April Rain and Resurrection

Due to the events of the past week, I’ve been hesitant to post this. In one day, what had been an observation of a natural occurrence during a rainy April day took on a far different meaning. The spring storms that had been sweet and refreshing became gloomy and cold. This is insensitive, I thought.

But something kept drawing me back. Nagging at me. This week I have heard many people make comments about how things are getting worse all the time and how the recent shootings and bombings are proof that the world is “headed to hell in a hand-basket.” These people shake their heads, expressing fear, anger, and resignation. I have heard and seen just as many comments pointing out how worse things than these happen everyday all over the world and are ignored. These people, indignant, point out that yes, the world is an awful place, but it has always been so and is so everyday – regardless of what the breaking news story on US news networks may be.

The truth is, these people are right. We are, as a planet, headed to hell in a hand-basket. Death and destruction can be found on every continent. But death has been here with us all along, and it will be here until the very end. When that end comes, however, death will be conquered, after the dismantling of every government on earth, and everyone who shares in the hope of Christ will live again without fear of an end.

For as by a man came death, by a man has come also the resurrection of the dead. For as in Adam all die, so also in Christ shall all be made alive. Then comes the end, when he delivers the kingdom to God the Father after destroying every rule and every authority and power. For he must reign until he has put all his enemies under his feet. The last enemy to be destroyed is death. For ‘God has put all things in subjection under his feet.’ – 1 Corinthians 15:21-22, 24-27a

Death will be here as long as we are on this awful earth that is full of it. But we needn’t fear it – death has no victory. Rather, it is swallowed up. Defeated. Under His feet.

All that to say that I wrote this poem about April rain, but it turned out to be about some other things, too.
Bodies litter the sidewalk where

the massacre took place. Worms

came, blind, from the ground to live.

Tread lightly

around the carcasses: you too will die

on the concrete instead of the earth.

Puddles drain into dirt, leaving death

and fed grass.

Pensworth: Spring 2013

The spring 2013 issue of Pensworth is here! Pensworth is a student journal produced by the Department of English and Sigma Tau Delta at the University of the Cumberlands. The student editors this year were Becky Branham, Madison Wesley, and myself. We had a lot of fun working on it! I hope you will enjoy my work and that of several other UC students which is contained in this journal.

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For more information about Pensworth, visit the university’s website: http://www.ucumberlands.edu/pensworth/.

April is Poetry Month

In light of the fact that we’ve finally gotten some good weather now that we are in April, I wrote a poem. Also, April makes me think of purple, so have a flower.
in time of daffodils who know winter

sunshine has no warmth until today

blue sky soaks into a black blanket

resting around me like nests the birds build

will wrap around warm eggs
the green leaves of potted trees stretch upward like

a ballet dancer, the roots point down like toes
spring rests, a ruffled feather, on my eyelids

playing music that only comes once a year

my skin turns vitamin D into gladness while

I wonder why we ever loved the snow.
For further reading: http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m30capki5J1r6g3yxo1_500.jpg.

April

Lost Dogs

I have never walked past a lost dog. Usually, I return them. Grab them, play with them, call the phone number on their tags. If there is no number, I look up the address online and take them home, finding some way to box them in on the porch or closing the back yard gate that let them out in the first place. If there is no collar I pat them and tell them to go home, then go inside and plot the many creative ways in which I would like to read their irresponsible owners the riot act. Especially when they are sweet, like the yellow lab who played hide and seek with me and my boyfriend in a dark street last summer. When he took the lead, we darted behind cars and watched until he came back for us, giggling as we watched him circle around the vehicles until he found us. A bulldog was once so thirsty that I gave her all the rest of my water bottle before I tied her to the porch of the address on her tag. The next day I got a text from the number I had called to leave a message telling them where their dog was.

FROM: 606-539-XXXX

thank you so much for returning my dog!! she

is sick and if she doesn’t get her medicine

every day, she could die! thank you!!

I consider this text a note of gratitude from all of the dogs I have returned without thanks, but I try not to think about it in regards to the dogs who I pat and say “Go home!” We’ve always found my dog when she gets out, but if someday we hadn’t, the person who returned her to me would have won Most Valued Person of the year with ease. My dog might be my favorite relative, and losing her would be like being kicked out of school or dropping my engagement ring down a sewer drain. After today she will be lost, and no one – not us not strangers not God will find her and bring her home.

It Must Have Been Something I Ate

A dream I had in the third-person a while back, which still amuses me:

She had to choose one of them to go with her, and thought only for a quick moment before making the decision. “Kel.”

The leaders walked some yards away to a sunny patch of grass where they would not be overheard, and imediately formed into two lines, two sides facing each other.

Josh had been sure she would choose him, but now he saw the wisdom in her decison. She had chosen Kel for his size. He stood a full foot over any other leader.

“The queen is sick. I will be attending to this meeting in her place.”

The mumbling was not discreet: “What happened?” “She walks outside and looses her keys.”

“She ate some bad lettuce.” It was difficult to say with a straight face.  

A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words?

Some places are more magical when you don’t take pictures of them.

Sometimes, the woods along a little river can be lit by the perfect evening sun so they become the perfect shades of green and sandy brown. Sunlight slides through the spring leaves, peeking out from between the branches, and reflections in the smooth water seem to be another world. Birds chirp and sing, and squirrels bounce from limb to limb, tree to tree, scampering quickly over deep puddles in the path which you must navigate so carefully around. Two small children – a boy and girl – run and laugh with each other in the grassy glade across the stream, the last long beams of the setting sun reaching out toward them to grab hold of their joy before descending behind wooded, budding mountains.

A photo cannot capture this.

Neither can a still, flat photo capture the magic that comes with books. There is magic in all books, but sometimes a bookstore comes along with a name like A Caperson Books that makes the wonder of ordinary bookstores pale and small. The inset door seems made of gold, the entrance to a paradise unattainable, and the hush inside that is broken only by an occasional car heard through the still closing door rests in stark contrast to the full orchestra that has begun to play in your soul, reflecting so much the exuberance that overwhelms your senses so that no outward reaction is even possible.

Books are everywhere. Floor to ceiling, stuffed everywhere they will go, stacked on the floor when the shelves are full. The small square footage of the shop is maximized by shelves that protrude from the walls and curl in, creating many tiny nooks in which a subject (the Civil War, the Great Lakes, Religion) has its very own kingdom, complete with turrets and flying buttresses. Children’s books line longer walls at the very back, providing a larger collection of early 1900’s syndicate volumes than you’ve probably ever seen in one place. Beside them is a staircase where a narrow shelf houses the rare, the ancient, the expensive – the beautiful.

A photo cannot capture all of this. A photo cannot describe the smell. A photo would show books – yes. Many books, for sure. But a photo would not tell you the feel of the pink velvet sitting chairs in the perfectly sunlit reading nook or how they seem to envelop you when you sit in them, bigger than real life, or show you the ripple of the sheer curtains that blow in a divine breeze like waves on the lake shore beach.

Photos are great. The moments in life that are made pale by being frozen in them are magical.

H2O: History as Seen by an Osprey

Everyone has heard of Nessie, the Monster of Loch Ness. Less well known – although perhaps a distant relative – is Chessie, the mysterious serpentine resident of the Chesapeake Bay. Sighted in 1943, recorded on video in 1983, and spotted again more recently in 1997, theories about what Chessie might be range from mutant eels to anacondas that escaped from a merchant ship in the 17th century. There was even a reputed sighting in 1994 that turned out to be a Florida manatee who likes to visit northern waters. But sea monsters aren’t the only forgotten things that live off of the Chesapeake Bay.

Captain Herbie Sadler was a waterman like no other. Working six days a week on the crab and oyster boats Little HES and Big HES from 3 AM to 9 PM, it’s difficult to imagine a man with a life more involved with the water. Everybody in town got their crabs from Sadler’s, the seafood market known affectionately by family as “the crab shack”. Everyone in that family loved the water; Herbie’s wife Gladys would take a boat out fishing whenever the chance came by, and often when it didn’t. In fact, everyone in that whole town had some connection to the murky green Bay water that sustained it. The town was Eastport, just a quick jaunt over the bridge from Annapolis, Maryland. More than just that short distance separated the two towns, however: Annapolis was the prim former US capital, home of the US Navy, of history, and of culture – Eastport was a strange land. There are many stories about the more working-class town, and some realities. Every year on the first day of spring, all the boaters gather on the docks and proceed to very unceremoniously burn every one of the socks they wore all winter, and go barefoot inside their deck shoes from then until well into the fall. A poem by the 1995 poet laureate of Eastport called “Ode to the Sock Burners” explains that the socks being burned are the same ones the boaters put on the previous fall, that they have not been washed even once in that whole time, and that “Some think incineration is the only solution / Cause washin’ ‘em contributes to the Chesapeake’s pollution”. In the old days, when families grew up and moved on to start three or four more families of their own, those new families would all live on the same street as the first one. It was never easy to know which house any of the children might be in at any given time, but there was an old-time sense of community that is difficult to find in towns nowadays. Herbie Sadler’s family was just like that – all of Gladys’s sisters lived right on Second Street.

Herbie’s faithful companion on the boats was Lady, the Chesapeake Retriever. She was adored by everyone who knew her, and spent her days out on the boats, or trotting through the crab shack wagging her tail and leaving little droplets of the Bay water she swam in behind her.  Often Captain Herbie would take hands out with him, and he was known for teaching many a young man the way of the boats and the water itself. They would sometimes spend the night on the Sadler’s floor, and anticipated a good breakfast in the morning preceding a long day of hard work and learning about the water. Some boys even slept in the bow of Herbie’s boat and waited for him to come in the morning. Herbie loved to teach about the water, and always encouraged children to be interested in it. None of those many helping hands would ever be his own son, however, as he and Gladys had only daughters.

Those daughters grew up and married Eastport or Annapolis men, several of whom had worked at the crab shack, and continue to live in Annapolis now – they will until the day they die. The youngest daughter, Dorothy (nicknamed Punky for some arbitrary, yet comical, reason), is the exception, for she married a tall young man from the mountains of Pennsylvania whom she met in Annapolis while he was training at the Naval Academy. He remembers fondly now the times Midshipmen (or Midie’s as they are locally known) were assigned to stand courtesy guard over the crypt of John Paul Jones beneath the Academy’s chapel. Jones is known as the Father of the American Navy, and here even in this northern man could be found traces of the water.

Once the daughters were all married off there came grandsons, and many of them possess fond memories of early morning wake up calls and long days at work on the water in Pop Pop’s boats. Dorothy’s oldest son, David, not only worked at the crab shack and on the boats but lived with his grandparents during the week while he was going to school and only went home to his own parents on the weekends. He also worked for a good while at McNasby’s oyster business – another prominent Eastport seafood company.

Life went on and was good. Grandchildren slowly moved on and away from the crab shack with their own families. Then one day Captain Sadler died, at the age of 72. Gladys said afterwards, “He died at our seafood market, waiting for crabs to cook. I haven’t had a decent crab since he died.” In his whole life, he had never driven a car, traveling only by means of his own two boats on the great road of the water. Riding in a car getting back to Eastport he once commented to his daughter Betty, “You can go anywhere you want to go, but this is the best place. You don’t need to go anywhere else.”

Some years later the grandson David, now a preacher, was stunned to be informed by a congregant before service one Sunday that the empty crab shack had been torn down – demolished. Memories flooded in, and the sermon that followed was rather difficult to preach.

Despite the loss of a building that a community had loved, the legacy of Herbie Sadler lived on. In June 2001, Sadler was officially recognized as a local historical figure in many ways. The Annapolis Maritime Museum opened the Herbie Sadler Park on Back Creek at the end of Second Street, and opened a museum soon after in a small building on the edge of the grassy lawn. Across the lawn is a landside boat house that protects the hull of the Little HES, Herbie’s crab boat, from the elements and preserves it for future visitors. The Big HES is also sheltered at the Capt. Salem Avery House museum in Shady Side, a bit south of Annapolis, and June 10th is celebrated by residents of Eastport and Annapolis each year as Captain Herbie Sadler Day. For remaining family, this day is the perfect excuse to fry some homemade crabcakes, or shell out the extra cash and sit down to a delightful summer hard crab feast. Since then, Sadler has also been inducted into the Annapolis Maritime Hall of fame.

Everyone knows what H²O is. But not everyone knows the water. People who have come from or were a part of this Eastport-Annapolis legacy know the water. With the simple addition of a small three letter word, “water” goes from meaning a refreshing drink to becoming something other, a great body, a being – the water. This being is separate from backyard swimming pools and bathtubs and sinks. In a way, it is also separate from beaches and ocean waves. The water is murky and dark, hiding many unknown things from old tires to the year’s crab harvest to Chessie the sea monster. It also holds the memory of a way of life that has all but died out with advancements in gear and commercial fishing. But that memory also lives in those still living who were a part of it, and even in their children who weren’t. Newspaper articles and announcement posters rest framed with care inside their houses, and are treasured as beloved, priceless heirlooms. They’ll be passed down from those grandkids to their kids, and to their kids after that. The memory of a waterman’s legacy will live on as long as his family does, rising to the surface from time to time just like Chessie’s long dark neck.

Reasons the 80’s Were Golden (OR: Why I’m Bitter About the Space Program)

Quality cereal box toys. Saturday morning cartoons. Cassette tapes. Action figures that genuinely look like the people they’re supposed to be. What do these things have in common? They play a large role in childhood. They are golden. And they happened in the 80’s.

Imagination. Adventure. Exploration. What do these things have in common? They are golden. And they are gone.

The cancellation of the Space Program in 2010 marked the final demise of exploration of the infinite world into a world that is now all-known. We have maps of the world down to every island, every river, every tree. We know them all. We know where they are. We know their names. We can look up their websites and blogs and podcasts. With a single click we can see and read and know anything and everything we want from the comfort of an ergonomic chair at just the right height for us to stare into vibrantly colorful 24″ screens. There is no longer anything to discover or truly explore. It’s all been seen and done before. Gone, even, is a child’s hopeful and exciting imagining of what could be out there, what could be new. Children dream about becoming police officers or firefighters – why? To become a hero, to help people. But why did children dream of becoming astronauts? For the adventure; the idea of discovery, of the unknown. Gone.

With it, the ideal childhood flees. Sunny Saturday mornings spent on a couch watching cartoons and afternoon pick-up baseball games and backyard jungles for favorite action figures to conquer are replaced by screens screens screens and screens between. Internet, Prime Time TV, the latest blockbuster video games; 4″ screens carried around in pockets everywhere: there is no escape. From waking to falling back asleep to a restless dreamland, childhood is no longer the tranquil land of discovery and imagination that it once was.  It is sucked into cyberspace and is over before it begins.

Anyway, that is why the 80’s were golden.  Enough technology to have Saturday morning cartoons, portable canned music, action figures, and movie theaters, but adventure and The Unknown were still incredibly present. Now… in the words of a certain pirate, “The world’s not smaller. There’s just less in it.”

A Castle of Paper and Thought

Have you ever been somewhere that felt too wonderful to be real?  Too impossible to be seen? Too magical to exist?  I have. Yesterday.

The Library of Congress is gorgeous, even just from the outside.  Above the front entrance are the busts of famous writers, Benjamin Franklin in the center as per the designer’s preference, and they look with unblinking eyes over the Capitol and beyond, over the nation, watching and thinking and turning thoughts into written words for all to read, and see what they have seen.  On the ceiling inside are murals and designs so intricate and colorful that the neat, plain rectangular panes at regular intervals are easy to pick out.  On them are printed in gold lettering the names not of kings or politicians or soldiers, but of writers.  An entire building the beauty of which is dedicated to writers!  Who has seen such a thing?  WHITMAN, POE, LONGFELLOW, MILTON… so many names; poets in some rooms and thinkers in others.  Passing underneath a high archway nothing more beautiful could await, one thinks, until it does.  Two upright glass cases face each other, the books behind them much larger than any that would fit on today’s shelves. One is printed, the other an illuminated manuscript.  Their names? The Gutenberg Bible, and the Giant Bible of Mainz.

Upstairs there are exhibits, with documents and artifacts and portraits of Civil War folk, but all the while there are books which run on shelves above a ledge that runs along the ceiling. And then there is Thomas Jefferson’s library.  Reconstructed, of course, but over 6,000 books, from the approximately 6,500 that made up his personal collection, which he sold to Congress, beginning the Library which now holds over 35 million books.

Which leads to the main Reading Room. You can’t go in, but you can see in, and ohmygoodness there are books!  Just the ones you can see from that little window must number in the hundreds of thousands, and that’s not even close to how many there are in the huge rooms that branch off from this main reading room.

Then there are tunnels, under ground which lead to the other two buildings that the Library has, which you must have clearance to enter.  How comforting it is to know that in an increasingly digital age, there are so many books safe in their very own castle.  The tunnels are dimly lit, full of tucked away supplies, custodial closets, and vending machines.  They seem to go along forever, exposed computer wires overhead and grungy tile underfoot.  But an air of mystery is added to the grandeur of the building upstairs, and in mind and memory the Library becomes a place of magic.

Adventures of a Department Store Associate: Take 2 More Shifts

I am the Queen of the Fitting Room Empire.

I try to rule it well, but any kingdom is given to tantrums at times. When all should be in order, it is not. When rooms should be empty and neat, they are overflowing, items on the walls and racks and seats and floors just beginning to spill into the hall, where hangers that are all the wrong sizes become hazards for ladies who think it is alright to pretend they do not see the sign that clearly states 5 ITEMS and proceed to wheel their loaded cart right in, leaving with the 5 things that they actually buy. From this untamed wilderness, there is no escape. Save the break room.

Not the room where you take a break, but the room that breaks you. Where others eat your food and make a mess, where vending machines steal your money, and where the voices that call to you so insistently can still be heard. Personally, I just wish it would get over it’s multiple personality disorder and decide once and for all whether it wants to be a star-spangled-banner or a jungle safari.

– June 10th, 2010

Old sentiments are becoming true once again! The unruly Kingdom has degraded to almost evil Empire status, sad to say. Unwanted pieces of cloth are now tossed into cribs where even babies could never sleep; those garments with cheery yellow tags are used as fillers. Members of the court are cast out indefinitely for… active promiscuousness. Others have sought higher court offices in more substantial, less mind-boggling kingdoms. As a result, those of us who are alive and remain have been given both increases in duties and decreases in alloted time away from the concrete castle that rules our fate. Rules our doom.

On the whole, however, I am merely happy to inform you that the safari has made it’s long overdue departure. It has been replaced by dangled butterflies.